Breakups are never easy, especially when you’re trying to study for exams and all you can think of is your ex and the new person in their life. Don’t worry because you’re not alone — everyone goes through this (or other relationship issues) at some point in their lives.
To help you get through this tough time, we’re arming you with 8 essential tips that’ll hopefully get you back up on your feet feeling better than ever. Here we go!
#1. Accept the breakup
The first step to dealing with your breakup is to accept it — but we know this is easier said than done. Most likely, you will go through a series of stages before you can finally accept that you’re no longer in a relationship. These stages are actually quite similar to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s theory on the 5 stages of grief: denial (feeling shocked and numb), anger, bargaining (blaming yourself and trying to fix things in vain), depression and finally, acceptance.
Although a breakup isn’t as bad as a death, it is still a loss that will make you feel grief. Once you’ve finally accepted your breakup, the following steps will help you get through this terrible time.
#2. Get closure
If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, finding out why as soon as possible can help you get over them faster as you won’t have to constantly wonder what went wrong. This can also help prevent you from making the same mistakes (or picking an unworthy partner with the same characteristics) the next time around.
Likewise, if you are the one initiating the breakup, let your soon-to-be-ex know why you’re ending the relationship. These talks are never easy, so try to be gentle.
#3. Avoid contact
Once you’ve gotten closure, it’s time to halt all means of contact and remove any reminders of your ex! Yes, this includes social media platforms too — hit that unfriend or unfollow button.
We’re saying this for your own good. As much as you want to have the option to stalk your ex’s profile to see what was for lunch (we really hope you don’t do that though) or analyse the next person he or she is dating, this will only hurt you more. Especially, if you have overwhelming feelings for an ex who has already moved on. However, once time has healed your heart, there’s no harm in being social media buddies again.
#4. Think about your ex’s flaws
If you find yourself wishing that you could still be with your ex while trying to resist the urge to send a text message, think of all the things about him or her that really annoyed you. Recall all the reasons why it didn’t work out — their lack of effort in the relationship, the constant fights, the long distance and all the other reasons that will help you realise that this was for the best.
#5. Let it all out
If you find yourself feeling down over the breakup, don’t bottle it all in. Let yourself cry if you need to (just not in public) because this is the best way for you to rid yourself of overwhelming emotions.
In fact, research has shown that crying can be good for you as it helps relieve stress at the same time. When you cry, your body also releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that can help soothe the physical or emotional pain.
#6. Express your feelings
Once there are no more tears left to shed, it’s time to express your feelings through more positive methods. There are many therapeutic ways you can do this including writing out your feelings in a journal, creating poems about how you feel, painting and even singing.
According to research, singing makes you feel good because it delivers more oxygen to your brain when you breathe in deeply. Singing in a group is even better and has been proven to lift moods and reduce anxiety, so head out for a karaoke session with your friends and sing your heart out.
Don’t worry if you’re not good at any of these activities, all that matters is if you enjoy it and it makes you feel better!
#7. Do more of what you love
Now that you don’t need to allocate time to spend with a boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ll have more spare time to do the things you enjoy. Whether you want to read more books, have fun outings with your friends or even travel, keeping busy and making the most of your extra time will help you forget all about your ex.
#8. Work on yourself
Besides having fun, the best thing you can do when dealing with a breakup is to work on improving yourself. Not for anyone else but for you.
Take all that sadness and anger you’re feeling and transform it into determination to achieve difficult goals. For example, if you’ve always wanted to get fit but had no motivation — use your newfound determination to achieve that goal. Or if you’ve always wanted to improve your English or even study another language, go for it!
After following these steps, you should be over your ex in no time. However, if you’re still feeling down, don’t worry because time heals all wounds and your strong feelings will eventually fade. Chin up, focus on you and keep marching on!